On Mother’s Day 2010, I woke up in the hospital call room after night shift when my phone rang. It was my best friend’s mom informing me that Brooke had died a few minutes before. A flood of emotion followed, devastation mixed with anger that God did not heal her. The years of prayer seemed like a waste of time and I could not understand why He wouldn’t restore her body. She was only 30. She had spent the last few years of her life fighting for her life while telling anyone she could how much Jesus loved them, especially to her healthcare team. Why would He take a soldier like that out of the war?
My church was on the way home. I drove in the parking lot barely able to see through the tears. The 8 am service had started. Not even able to stand to worship because my grief was so heavy, I sat there and cried out to God. WHY God??? Why didn’t you heal her?? God’s presence began to envelope me in a way I can not explain. So thick I couldn’t move and I am not sure I was breathing. He allowed me to feel what Brooke was feeling right at that very moment. Complete utter peace…..mind quiet, heart stilled, in perfect relationship with the Father. And He replied to my aching question,
“I did heal her. See?”
I work in the operating room at a level 1 pediatric trauma center. Trying to stop someone from dying is the toughest part of the job. We pour everything we have into those moments and we fight until God says He has other plans for that life. When we experience a death, it feels like we failed. It is the ultimate PERIOD that stops our efforts and everything we are trained to do.
It’s a reflection of my life. I have fought like hell trying to stop the out of control train from derailing and ending in catastrophic loss. When I never had control to start with. But I feel like a failure none the less. Now what do I do with all these unanswered prayers?
Lazarus, was a friend of Jesus. They had a relationship unlike the other disciples. Lazarus’ sisters sent word to Jesus that he was very sick and death was imminent. Jesus waited 2 days to return to their town after receiving the message. And Lazarus died. His sister’s were confused and devastated. “If only you had been here, he would not have died!”
How many times have I said this? For the love of YOU, if you would have just stepped in….If you would have just heard my prayers….I wouldn’t be HERE!
Jesus asked them to take him to Lazarus tomb. “Um, he’s been there for 4 days and he rotting and he smells. Not a good idea.” But Jesus insisted. At the grave the Almighty King of the Universe says “Lazarus! Come out.” And he walked out! Healed. (John 11)
Jesus could have stopped His ministry and came right away when the sisters summoned. But He didn’t. It is not a mistake that the gospels records that “he delayed 2 days.” God wants us to see this. This wasn’t just about healing a sick person. That would have been easy to dismiss as medicine. Lazarus had to die to receive the kind of healing Jesus intended for him. Heart stopped, flat EKG, no blood pressure, and wrapped in grave cloths kind of death. The kind that only Jesus knows what to do with. And He did do something. Lazarus come out! But not until after the unwanted death, the excruciating end of what was supposed to be a life well lived. He was Jesus’ friend!! Isn’t that enough to be spared from that kind of pain? Nope. “No, it is for God’s glory so that God’s son may be glorified thought it.” (John 11:4)
How about you? What painful ending is crushing your soul? What prayer have you prayed for years and years that hasn’t been answered? And instead death has occurred? I have experienced a great death in my life too. I am walking in a life I never intended nor expected. I have spent the last couple years crying out, begging, bargaining with God to restore what should have been. But that is not the answer He has for me. No, my healing is in death. It is in the death of all the plans I made, the life I depended on, the things I had found security. My resurrection is in the crushing where I have nothing left but Him.
What if we turn the tables on the enemy who tells us all hope is lost? What if we stand on the God who can raise the dead, who has healing in His wings? What if we looked at the death, not as a complete ending but as a funnel to new life? God is the God of death and darkness too, not just life and light. He is there! With you in the depths of despair.
Lazarus is a foreshadowing of the death of Jesus. There is no life without the death and resurrection of Jesus. He traded his own life so we could have ours.
The enemy comes only to kill, steal, and destroy. But I have come to give life and life abundantly. (John 10:10)
After the enemy has breached our walls and ravaged even the smallest crevices of our life, we have only 1 choice to live in the abundance God has promised:
Believe that He died for our sins and was resurrected to bring us life, a gift we can not earn. And then accept the invitation to walk with Him. On the cross, he put death to death! Death can no longer be the end for those who have put their trust in Him. That means there can only be life after. It is only in Him, that we can experience this kind of life changing healing.
For Lazarus and Brooke, healing came through their death. And so does mine. And yours. He not only heals but He resurrects life making all things new (Rev 21:5). And not just any life, abundant life! Just like Lazarus, we have to experience death in order to receive the kind of healing He has for us. He is still in the business of saying, “Take off the grave cloths and go! (John 11:44). Father, take my grave clothes! There is nothing my soul desires more than to trade this death for life.
33 He recognized it and said, “It is my son’s robe! Some ferocious animal has devoured him. Joseph has surely been torn to pieces.” (Genesis 37)