“Lord,” Martha said to Jesus, “if you had been here, my brother would not have died. But I know that even now God will give you whatever you ask.” Jesus said to her, “Your brother will rise again.” Martha answered, “I know he will rise again in the resurrection at the last day.” Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?” Yes, Lord,” she replied, “I believe that you are the Messiah, the Son of God, who is to come into the world.” John 11:21-27
I have this amazing friend who keeps telling me, at least once a week, “Girl, the rest of your life is gonna be a Hallmark movie. God has something for you!” You know what my response always is? “Yeah, but I have to be ok with it if He doesn’t, right?” But the real conversation in my head goes something like this…“Oh God probably has something for me but it can’t be good. It never is. But it really would be nice to have something good for walking through all this shit for so long….in my bare feet…..up hill…. all the way to school…like something?? Consolation prize? I can’t be the only one who has this internal monologue?? Do you?? I know that I don’t deserve anything from God and would never demand it. But for the love of all things Holy, can You make it stop????
If we pick up where we left off last week, Jesus has arrived 4 days since Lazarus has passed and Martha greets Jesus with a “If you had been here, my brother wouldn’t have died.” 100% true statement.
Jesus says to her, “Your brother will rise again.” At this point, Martha says ‘yeah I know he will in the last day.’ She is referring to His previous teachings about eternal life for all those who believe in Him (John 3:15–16; 6:39–40). And Jesus reiterates this teaching by repeating it to her, then asks if she believes, which she does.
I believe Martha had reverence when she answered “I know Lazarus will rise again.” But I am not really at that place. I’m a bit skeptical. So my response to “Your brother will rise again.” Or “It’s coming, your blessing is around the corner” is more like, (insert eye roll) “yeah, yeah, I know what awaits me on the other side. In fact, we could go there now? How about yesterday?” Are good things here guaranteed? Is God good? I have experienced so many deep wounds that pain has become an expectation.
Do you sometimes feel like you have a bullseye on your back? I might as well have been a matador. “Here ya go, here is your red towel, now please just stand right here.” Stabbed through the heart every.single.time. Always standing in THE PLACE I thought I was called to be. Well now what? Blood is still pouring out. I am severely anemic, and in need a real trust transfusion.
The only place I can go for that transfusion is the Word of God.
There are several verses that we seem to give people when they are suffering that are out of context. Romans 8:28 and Jeremiah 29:11. ( I will 100% crush these verses for you in another blog but you’ll actually understand them and love them more, I promise!). These verses are NOT saying what we want them to, which is “everything will work out fine and God only has amazing things in my future.” Unfortunately, reading these without the rest of the chapter gives false hope and expectations and leaves us in despair. I.e. where I am, forcing me to actually study and seek Him.
However, there is one verse that I keep tucking in my heart that another amazing friend, who has been to the depths of hell and back, keeps quoting. “I know I will see the goodness of God in the Land of the Living”. Ps 27:13 This psalm begins with David expressing deep confidence in God, then pleading for protection, then celebrating God’s goodness. God not only provided rescue first-hand, but David later received the promises from God for rest and a lasting heritage (1 Samuel 16:13; 2 Samuel 7:11).
Circling back to Lazarus, Jesus asks Martha if she believes he is the Messiah. And then He gives her the gift of her brother’s life, in the land of the living, without waiting until heaven.
Which He told the disciples He was going to do beforehand, although Martha didn’t know that. “Lazarus is dead, and for your sake I am glad I was not there, so that you may believe” John 11:14. So maybe my Hallmark friend has been told something….
It was in Martha’s belief in the Messiah and in David’s confidence in God…..
At my core, while I wrestle with all these doubts, I do believe He is the son of God. According to this passage, that is enough. So I can’t explain why that wasn’t the catalyst to answering my sobbed filled prayers but it does give me hope that God has goodness for me. Here, like, before I die. And honestly, I want answers to these questions about God’s character more than I want explanations about why I have suffered…why you have suffered. Tonight, I am praying for God to start the trust transfusion and nestle close to us and remind us He is good even when our circumstances don’t show it. May our matador-ian hearts rest by having the confidence that the “good” thing He didn’t give us, and hasn’t provided yet, is so that He can give us something better!