Many of you know my story……ooooof, (sigh…tears….lump in my throat, and yours) and wonder why I still believe in God at all…..and the rest of you praise God that I still do. But many of you don’t.  I have been incredibly quiet, radio silent if you will, about the darkness I am walking through and have walked through for a really long time. I began writing less and less on this blog as life got tougher, writing only here and there.  But then abandoning it altogether about 6 years ago. This blog had grown and had several thousand followers and there was a part of me that was embarrassed of the story. So many had so many opinions. There were a lot of nay-sayers, I (we) had haters, and a lot of my heartbreak was public. Why write about it? Then, the other half was afraid to share because I didn’t want to hurt people in return (what good would that do me?) and I was terrified of my motives being questioned. And more haters to be honest. I couldn’t take any more pain, or being told or made to feel that I’m not good enough or that I don’t really matter. So I ran. From writing. Which I know I have a gift. It was too raw, too vulnerable, too icky for a really long time. I just couldn’t sit in this place with my thoughts. But God…..there is so much hope in those 2 words. But God….He’s been telling me for a year to write. Sometimes word for word what to say. And I have IGNORED Him. Like ear plugs, stopped praying, stopped asking, kind of ignored.   I didn’t want to hear what He had to say, because I did not trust Him, I still don’t, not to take me down a path of more pain. After all, He allowed it. A lot! But God…there it is again. I can not escape. He is in ever pursuit of us. But God led me to work a random shift on what I thought was a random work day where I encountered a not so random person who happened to be a trauma therapist at the very beginning of 2025. A story I will share later. And with her Godly help, the fibers in my brain have been able to untangle enough to write. Whether it is just for my own personal healing because I suck at journaling other than in this form, or because someone else out there needs to read my struggles to help their own journey of faith, I do not know.  But I have decided to do whatever it takes to seek Him, because NOT doing this ISN’T working. As my paster always says, “how’s that working out for you, Scooter?!” Well, it’s not. So I might as well do what He is asking, and let Him handle the rest….